


Why Have Cake When You Can Have Sex?

by anthean



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Gen, Roommates, Toast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 13:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anthean/pseuds/anthean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Courfeyrac loves Marius, he really does, but if Marius wants to have this conversation Courfeyrac considers it a solemn duty to embarrass the hell out of him. "Why this sudden curiosity about my social life? Or are you specifically referring to all the loud obnoxious sex?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Have Cake When You Can Have Sex?

**Author's Note:**

> or, That Time I Accidentally Dared Myself To Write Asexual!Courfeyrac

"Courfeyrac?"  
  
Courfeyrac looks up from his bowl of cereal to see Marius standing at the other end of their small kitchen table. He's pulled out a chair, but isn't sitting, instead running his fingers back and forth over the slats that make up the backrest.  
  
"Yes, Marius?" Courfeyrac finally prompts. His cereal is getting mushy, and Marius seems unwilling to continue without guidance.  
  
"Oh! Um." Marius flushes and fiddles with the tattered cuffs of his too-large flannel shirt. "I saw some pictures. On Facebook? Of you at Pride, I think, and I was wondering, I mean, I wasn't sure…"  
  
Courfeyrac had stared chuckling as soon as Marius had mentioned Pride, because he knows exactly what pictures Marius is talking about: him with his face painted black and purple in a "FUCK SEX" shirt; him marching at the head of the contingent with a megaphone; him trying to twirl a gigantic flag and nearly braining himself. He stops laughing when he sees Marius' face close off, the puppyish curiosity replaced with an unpleasant haughtiness—Marius hates being laughed at even more than most people.  
  
"It's okay, I'm not laughing at you, those are just some pretty great pictures," Courfeyrac says, and is rewarded with a small smile. "You didn't know I'm ace? I didn't…wait, do you know what that means?" Courfeyrac does wear a black ring, but it's a pretty subtle cue, and Marius sometimes misreads subtle cues when he bothers to pick them up at all.  
  
"No, I know," Marius says, and finally decides to sit down. Courfeyrac celebrates with a bite of cereal. And actually, of course Marius knows about asexuality; his girlfriend has a girlfriend, so he's pretty up on his queer theory even if he tends to forget that it actually matters to some people.  
  
"It's just," Marius continues, "I've seen you. With…people."  
  
" _With people_ , there's a shock." Courfeyrac loves Marius, he really does, but if Marius wants to have this conversation Courfeyrac considers it a solemn duty to embarrass the hell out of him. "Why this sudden curiosity about my social life? Or are you specifically referring to all the loud obnoxious sex?" Marius looks like he regrets every decision that lead him to this conversation. _Victory_.  
  
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Marius says, which just demonstrates how little he knows Courfeyrac because Courfeyrac is always ready to talk about his sex life. "But I'd like to understand."  
  
Courfeyrac takes a moment to finish a bit more of his cereal; there's not much left but the milk now. "It's pretty straightforward," he says. "I like pretty people, and I like making people happy, and turns out orgasms actually feel really good, so as far as I can tell sex has no downsides. It's fun, it's like a hobby. You sit in gardens and stare at people, I have outrageous amounts of casual sex."  
  
"It just seems kind of unexpected," Marius says.  
  
"My behavior is a reflection of my inherent fantasticness, but I'm not defined by it, and I'd be equally fantastic regardless of how many people I did or didn't fuck," Courfeyrac says. "It's not like sexual attraction is what makes someone a fully-realized human being; you have to get away from the idea that I'm missing some essential feature by being asexual. Combeferre has a great metaphor about moth phenotypes, you should ask him about it sometime," although Marius looks petrified at the thought of even talking to Combeferre after the Napoleon Incident, so maybe not. Courfeyrac would feel weird about the extreme levels of self-assurance he's displaying here, but he worked hard for them, dammit, and he didn't spend half his teenage years unlearning all the toxic societal bullshit he's been fed just to turn right around and mould himself into some sort of Unassailable Asexual Archetype. Fuck that noise.  
  
Marius is blushing again, but he looks thoughtful under the awkwardness. "It's just hard to see why you would bother to identify as asexual, then," he says, then puts his hands up defensively at Courfeyrac's eyeroll. "Sorry! No, obviously you can, sorry. I'd never considered it that way, that's all."  
  
"It's like there's no homogenous asexual narrative or something," says Courfeyrac, which almost gets Marius all offended again until he realizes that Courfeyrac isn't actually mad, and for that Courfeyrac has to go around the table and hug him, bending over the back of his chair and snuffling at his shaggy hair. Marius flails a bit before settling down, but Courfeyrac holds on because Marius is great and really needs to be hugged more often by someone who isn't Cosette. "Seriously, man, the community contains multitudes, there's not actually a whole lot you can assume about any one member based on what you know about any other asexual person. Much like the rest of humanity, in fact."  
  
"So is Enjolras also asexual? Or gray-A, or whatever, Cosette says there's an umbrella," Marius asks, attempting with little success to untangle himself from Courfeyrac's arms. "I can't figure it out."  
  
"Enjolras revels in violent ambiguity," Courfeyrac says. He gives Marius a final squeeze before releasing him. "And thus you will never know. Do you want me to tone down all the sex? Because…actually, I was going to say that I don't need to be as loud as I am, but I really can't make any promises about my guests." He winks; this time Marius rolls his eyes. "Or, I don't know, I could give you 24 hours advance notice or something if I'm going to have someone over?"  
  
"A little warning would be nice," Marius says, delicate, like he doesn't even want to think about it. "But I don't want you to change anything because of me," which is so adorable that Courfeyrac kisses him sloppily on the cheek. Marius glares and scrubs at the kiss with the end of his sleeve; Courfeyrac grins brightly and takes his empty bowl into the kitchen.  
  
"You love me, you know you do," he calls over his shoulder. "And come have some breakfast, will you? I know you were just going to leave without eating."  
  
Marius denies it, but he makes toast anyway. Courfeyrac claims half immediately because _roommate tax, Marius, come on_ , and they eat together, kicking at each other's feet under the table and squabbling over the last piece.  
  
(Courfeyrac lets Marius win.)

**Author's Note:**

> Courf's views and opinions are (obviously) not necessarily those of the entire ace community-- like he says, we contain multitudes.


End file.
